Bear and I are leaving on a road trip today for an event. Because this event is only every other year, the last time I was there was with my ex. Notice that I didn’t say I made the trip with my ex. I thought he was going to be there, but as it turned out, he was going to go on his own and just be there at the end (he had a thing for work that kept him from doing the drive, but just go with me on the metaphor here). I thought I’d be able to make the trip just fine, but when I was most of the way there, there was an accident and I flipped the car.
I called him from the ambulance to say I was pretty sure I was ok but this had happened, and I texted people, still from the ambulance, to let the people at the event know what had happened and to make sure that someone else picked him up from the airport, since I was supposed to. When we both made it to the hotel, me with a sprained ankle and glass shards still in my skin (yes, I know I was *incredibly* lucky that that was the worst of it), his reaction was to blame me for causing more stress that he didn’t need.
This time around, Bear and I are starting from a different place, in a lot of ways, but still looking at going past some of the same places. Physically we are, since we’re leaving from a different state, but the last 4 hours of the drive will be the same. And emotionally we are, since we’re starting TTC in a different place, as a different couple, but we’re looking at the possibility of driving that infertility road again since my ex and I never did get an answer about who/what the problem was, so for all I know it’s me.
But this time, I know Bear is with me the whole way, even if it takes him outside of his comfort zone. We’re taking my car, so I’ve spent the past couple of weeks teaching him to drive stick. And when we do go past that place where I had the accident, HE is going to be the one driving while I try to sleep and not know I’m passing it. If only I had that same ability with facing infertility, but I know that as we travel that stretch, he will do everything he can to share the burden with me. Because we face things together.