Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Emotionally Drained

I know, I haven't written in what feels like forever.  I've been constantly tired and drained lately, and all of my energy has been going to work, volunteer stuff I'm committed to, and to the Bears.  I'll write an update on Penguin later, but he is doing fine.  Yes, he, but we'll get into that later.  For now, I need to talk about my mom.

If you may remember, I said one of the last time I wrote about my mom needing a biopsy.  Well, there was good news and bad news from it.  The good news is that it does not seem to be spreading within her body and that it is of the squamous cells, which is a type that generally does not spread to other parts of the body. 

The bad news is that it is definitely cancer and that it is growing out from her body, badly.  I went to her oncologist appointment yesterday since Bear and I were back home for a couple days, and I was there when she showed it to the doctor, and it was bad to see.  It wasn't that I was seeing my mom's equipment, it's that it's in *really* bad shape.  To top it off, she's down to 108 pounds even before starting the chemo and radiation.

She's starting next week with radiation 5 days a week for 7 weeks, with chemo one day a week as a booster to augment the effect of the radiation.  They're also adding morphine to her pain management.  Yeah, I'm scared.

It's killing me not to be home with her through this, to be 700 miles away.  I don't know what I'd be doing without Bear, though.  I was able to get through yesterday's appointment and through church on Sunday without crying until after I was away from her only because I had him for support.  And I also don't know what I'd be doing if not for my church family.  One of the women at church, who is just like my mom in personality, has the freedom right now and has offered to drive Mom for appointments, despite them being an hour away.  And the church has said that they will be her backup and help out with anything she can't do.  This church has been our home and our family since I was about 2.  I'd trust them with anything, and I feel safe with Mom being in their hands.  But I still should be there.

1 comment:

  1. My heart goes out to you (hugs). My mom helped me for 6 weeks at the end of my pregnancy and the birth of my little one and she also lives far away. I also don't know what I"d do if anything happened to her... Big hugs... onestepatatime.co.za